Time moves in one direction and —> memory in another <—

I had this opportunity to watch Tamil movie – 96 and much thanks to my hubby who actually put up a review about this movie and that’s when came to know about the existence of this movie.

This is a story about school-time crush and how we move on in life and that crush still remains in your heart but they never get together in life, at least in this movie its like that.
The movie is good and what I liked about it is that in this the crush or love is from both sides and hence the loss of being together in life is sensed more and as an audience you feel sorry for them because no matter how many years have gone, at the reunion the love or crush is still at the highest intensity and yet they go back to their lives respecting what they have committed for.
This movie actually brought lot of my school-time memories and hence I want to write this post in remembering all those boys who had a crush on me and some I don’t even know at that time and some I came to know later in life when they got connected with me on social media.
Actually, I never had any crush or love in school or college time. But I do remember one which came in as a proposal in life later and I came to know very late about it.

“Some memories are unforgettable, remaining ever vivid and heartwarming!” ~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

This was when I was in 10th grade and I was visiting my Grandma from my Mom’s side. I remember I used to be more hanging out with my Aunt, who used to visit her friend’s place who was a widow with two boys. One was way older and the other seemed like in college or high-school. The boy I will call here as Madhu, who would silently gaze at me when I used to visit their house with my Aunt and he would never utter a word with me but would talk to my Aunt. I used to be a shy and scary as I used to find it a bit awkward visiting from different state to this one.

The visits were more and so I happened to meet Madhu more often and his stare would make me a bit awkward and I used to ask my Aunt about Madhu. Slowly things started getting in such a way that when I am at my front door at my Aunt’s place or my Uncle’s place he could see me through his front deck, that’s the house was close.
I remember once I was walking down the road with my cousin and he waited for me till evening until I returned home.
He used to sometimes follow us when I am going with my Aunt and used to engage my Aunt in talks. As much praise I have heard from my Aunt about him, that much I felt good about him as he was serious about his studies and he is sincere and well behaved.. all this only made me think of him as a good person.
That vacation went by quick and I remember the last day he ran after my Aunt asking about us, if we have left and my Aunt said they will be leaving tomorrow morning and he just came up with some excuse to come to our home. He was there for long time staring at me and I was kind of smiling as I think I felt that he will miss us.

“Time flies, but memories last forever.”

Things moved on and after couple of years when I came back again on vacation, I didn’t see him at all. I got curious and I asked my Aunt about Madhu and she said oh, he joined Army so he is not here in town. That made me miss him but I felt good that he is focused on his career and life.
Time was flying like a kite, I got busy with my high-school and then college and so forth. On my every visit I used to ask my Aunt about Madhu and I used to get news that he was tired of Army life and he escaped from there and so now cops are looking for him. I used to worry, now what? And my Aunt would say they will take him back and he will be completing his Army training as one shouldn’t be running away from the training.
I used to worry and think about it when I used to visit my Grandma’s place but when I used to come back to my home the usual life kicked in and I got busy with my life.
Dating concept was not something that we had and hence, there was nothing like that I could think of him or any other guy during that time. Anyway, I got busy with life and after many years I went back to visit my Aunt with my 4 year old daughter.
This was the time when I was asking about all the people that I have known since my childhood and my Aunt would give me all the updates about the neighboring people and I brought his name…where’s Madhu? How is he doing? Did he go back to Army? What is he doing?

“Good times become good memories and bad time become good lessons..”

The answer that I got from my Aunt was painful and shocking too. My Aunt said, they left this place as they sold their property and moved to a different place. His elder brother is married and he lives somewhere close by but Madhu had come here with his mother to ask for marriage with your parents. This was something I initially couldn’t believe. Because, even though I thought he liked me when we used to see each other during my visits, but I never thought that he was so serious about me. I got curious and asked, when did they meet my parents?
My Aunt said, during the time when your Mom and Dad were visiting here and you were busy with college, during that time they visited here and said their son Madhu likes their daughter and would like to marry with everyone’s blessings. I was shocked but was sad and it was a mixed emotion.
I said and?
Aunt said, your Dad said we don’t intend our daughter to get married to an Army guy. And even if we do want to then we don’t want to send our daughter to this place.

I was completely shocked and felt like a Bollywood movie where the girl’s father is always playing the villain role. All I could imagine in my mind was Madhu’s Mom because she was a very respectful woman in the area and she had raised her two sons without her husband. She was well educated and was working in a good government establishment. I was really feeling sad. I looked at my Aunt and said, is this real? How come then no one said anything about this till date?

“Sometimes I just wish that I could fast forward time, just to see if it’s all worth it in the end.”

My Aunt looked at me and said, well he loved you since school time and I even asked him that have you ever talked to her and his answer was – no!
But he loved you and he thought when the right time comes he would ask your parents permission as he felt you are not the kind of girl who would love and write love letters and continue the relationship..!

That incident made me feel very sad and I feel for Madhu even though it was not love from my side, but the sincerity of him killed my ego. I don’t know if meeting with him and talking to him could give a closure to this but …this has left me with those painful moments yet when I walk through the memory lanes, the moments of visiting his home, his stare, he bringing stuff at home for me and all those opportunities where he wouldn’t miss to see me, even if it was a glance… have tickled my heart at the same time.

I feel life is full of surprises and yet you never know who would come to rescue when you are in need… it could be someone from your past life… or someone new?

“The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you”

~ Dawn

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Looking back to this date…!

I was lost in thoughts,
As it took me by flight,
The memories of yesteryear,
When I was still a newbie,
In a new country that I chose,
Was a newbie at the job too,
Meeting different people,
Few motivating and still,
Many discouraging each day,
It took me to think about,
A plan with some way out,
Some with temptation,
Asking to change religion,
Translating their poems,
Without any payments,
Calling it a godly work,
I lost the faith itself,
The inside me was stubborn,
Didn’t want to listen,
The more they said go back,
I strongly said I stay back,
With a job that paid minimum,
Only covering few hours,
Yet the heart was determined,
With full of passion,
Being only 21 days in the country,
The courage to see the unknown,
Was like a craving fervor,
Looking back to this date,
Brings waves of emotions,
With sweet memories and lost ones!
~ Dawn
#happypoetrymonth

Personality is born out of pain. It is the fire shut up in the flint…

As a first year science student in Ferguson, we used to rush from one class to the other and to cover it all practicals and completing journals would used to take away the remaining peace of mind.
Central School product and secondly coming from National Defense Academy, it kept us in discipline even in college days where actually one is supposed to enjoy the freedom of getting out of school life.
I remember I was told not to sit in the class if all the students are doing mass-bunk. This sounded very weird to me but then I thought to take it with a pinch of salt at that time.
I still remember after a heavy duty practical session – standing in the lab all evening had squeezed out all the energy and after 5 rushing to catch the Pune Municipal Transportation bus number 83/84/85 – to reach home was killing.

Our bus timings were one hours frequency and that day we girls were so tired and fed-up of this routine run around to catch the 5:00 p.m. bus that we as a mass decided to go to Vaishali restaurant and get rid of our hunger and tiredness.
We entered the Vaishali restaurant and sat on the right hand side of the table where two each of us were sitting with a hungry face yet a worried expression on our faces. Lingoo the server came and looked at us and gave a smile.

 Lingoo, who has a salt and pepper hair, his teeth colored with beetle leaves yet that smile has so much warmth that anyone in that restaurant comes in feels so welcoming and more over one will forget all their worries and would look forward to hear what they have to offer.
Lingoo came to me and said what are you worrying about…do you want to know what’s good here? because I think you girls are new here…first year student?

and I smiled nodding my head as yes, and with a wondering expression as how he know all this.
We four girls ordered and then Lingoo brought us tea – saying this will relieve all your worries…indeed Vaishali tea…I still have that taste in my mouth – and still remember the wide white cup – it really had that magic which took all our worries away. We were concentrating on our food in between when I looked around there was another server called Vasu…who used to give a cunning smile and look and walk away when Lingoo came and said …that guy is a crazy guy – don’t indulge with him.
“Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were”

As soon we see Lingoo disappeared in the kitchen Vasu comes and says that guy Lingoo he is a bit crazy so you girls better be careful and don’t smile too much with him…
All this was so funny and entertaining that how we spent our three years there and later on also the experience never changed and it was all because of people like Lingoo and Vasu who kept entertaining the guests – They treated us like their own kids…they used to come and help everyone whether you’re after some girl or boy – Lingoo and Vasu will give you proper and right advice and information.

My last meet with Lingoo was in 2005…when I went with Milind for a coffee…one after the other coffees came  in and as we left the place Lingoo came in and blessed saying be happy where ever you are …those words are still lingering in my ears …that smiling face where his eyes used to almost close – Vaishali won’t be the same again…We will miss you Lingoo….
May your soul rest in peace and give your family the strength to bear this loss. The person who was so senior to all of us Lingappa was always known to students as Lingoo…he had no other name and I think love has only one name…You will be missed yet your stories will remain alive as generation after generation people will recite…

“Attractiveness and magnetism of man’s personality is the result of his inner radiance”

A Garden is a Friend You Can Visit Anytime…!

I have been living in this city over 10 years and It was not that I have always been living here. I used to take vacation time off and go to India, South Korea and still when I returned it gave the feeling of coming home.

After 5 years of my visit to the city, why I remembered all the way back when I landed in this country all by myself alone? CN Tower always gave me the significance of strength and courage. Today when I see it gives me the same message.

Going around downtown, looking at those busy subways and the crowd took me back to my days when I was just few weeks new in this country going around the clock based on my work schedule. I have often craved for moments when I can sit in that food court and watch others rushing around. Today was that day – it brought tears and smile too.

My 11 years old kid asks me – “are you crying?” and, I am wondering if I can explain it though I did but the essence is only in one’s feeling which cannot be shared.
It was amazing to know that I still remember the roads to my home where once upon a time I used to live …memories are so touching that it takes you literally back to those days and everything looks so clear then about the paths that you come along.

Yes, as one of my best friend in Canada said to me – ‘You have come a long way and you are doing better now’ – I owe to this city everything.
Nostalgic moments only brings happiness whether from past or from present – it’s cherishing moment.

“Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: You find the present tense and the past perfect”

“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.”

Its pouring outside like anything…I always used to think in this part of the world rains are never so…as it used to be when I was a kid 😀
Now when I think of the kids I tell myself they have not seen anything and yes my childhood was much better than what today these kids have! Won’t you all agree with me?

“If love is shelter, I’m going to walk in the rain.”


There was no restrictions, we could go out and play in the front/backyard, make some paper boats and make them floating in the river which is created all over with this heavy rains.
Once the rain was over….sun used to peep up and everyone used to come out on the ground and we used to make castle with the mud just like how we make on the beaches!
“Tell me how many beads there areIn a silver chainOf evening rain,Unravelled from the tumbling main…”~Thomas Lovell Beddoes
Life was so cool…I miss my childhood so badly! And feel sorry for today’s kids as they really don’t know what is to have fun other than going on a ride, or mom-dad taking you for soccer or even sleep-over 😀
” Bad weather always looks worse through a window.”

I believe what it says below 😉
“The things which the child loves remain in the domain of the heart until old age. The most beautiful thing in life is that our souls remaining over the places where we once enjoyed ourselves”~ Kahlil Gibran