Not every sorry deserves an “It’s Okay” in return!

It’s so true that one person has to be courageous and come out and then others automatically gain the confidence and courage to come and share their story.
Yes, I am talking about the #MeTooMovement that has taken like a huge storm and I hope its just the beginning.

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As I was reading news and on social media about women being harassed at work place or even looked at as a piece of meat, it just gives you to reflect about so many things that has happened in your own life.
Women has the toughest job to do and that is if she doesn’t want to be dependent on anyone financially and she takes up a job in a company – then its basically means you’re on your own. Because if you complain then the response is ‘you better stay at home’.

I know there are many women who have been home makers for this reason. When a woman at work is harassed by her manager and she tries to stop him many times and yet he never stops. It reaches to a point where your colleagues ask you if you’re okay because you keep going into you manager’s room who keeps calling you in his room for 1 on 1s and you end up going each time because each time he says its about the project and this stress you share at home, it’s not necessary that she will get a support from her loved ones saying, lets talk about it or do something about it. They will still let her go to that same workplace, to that same manager and its that same environment where she is being sent.

“We have to have the courage to tell people when their behavior or the way they talk makes us uncomfortable.”

Financial support is something a woman tries to do for her family where her thinking is mainly to support her husband and family. When a husband doesn’t have a job or has a business which doesn’t bring in much income the support system is on the woman. At such time when she is being harassed by her manager at work, what options she has: tell at home and see what they suggest? If there is no suggestion then you know what it means, or you change your job, but whats the guarantee the next manager is going to be good? You’re taking a chance but until you find another job you’re stuck with the present manager because your family depends on you.

“At the end of the day, don’t forget that you’re a person, don’t forget that you’re a mother; a wife and a daughter.” ~ Indira Nooyi

Women will suffer for her family and why only women? Because women are raised that way from the beginning. They are taught you’re born strong so do all the hard work and yet any issue comes just be quiet and move on because women are supposed to not complain and if it’s about men then oh! no!!! never complain about them because women are such a piece of meat that they will be blamed but men won’t be blamed and the bad name will come to the women.
She shared with few friends and they said, ‘Complain it to Human Resources, but then no idea if the next manager wants to hire you because this will be in the system. They might keep the manager because he is an employee and then they might fire you as you are a contractor”.

“Show respect even to the people who don’t deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours.” ~ Dave Willis

Here the harassment from the manager and no security or help from husband – both are men and what should this woman do? If anyone has an answer then do comment!

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

~ Dawn

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Women’s empowerment is intertwined with respect for human rights..

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I am writing this post today, because I feel we are responsible to fail humanity.

When I was growing up and used to hear stories from people and olden times, I always felt that, oh, that was then! Not anymore!!!

“I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men, they are far superior and always have been.” ~ William Golding

But even today when I hear women treated like an object whether it’s in under developed country or a developed country – the story of women is in bizarre!

The male dominating society is creeping in like a weed everywhere and they just use women in whatever way they want to and just dump it and don’t even feel ashamed of their deeds. I mean will they be doing the same way with their mother and daughter too? I am assuming that those two relationships they might be holding too close to their heart so can their in humanness be justified if they think from that point?

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I had met this young, courageous woman sometimes back and even I didn’t realize if I had any role to play in inspiring her. But recently I heard some happiness entering in her lonely life where she would get a company in life and a father figure for her teenage son. I mean when you’re meeting a single mother and/or single father, there’s certain expectation that even as a society people would expect.

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The lady Rose was finally happy that her life which had a very bad and traumatic marriage life with her first one. She had lost hope and faith with the men’s world when she found this guy Jordan, who has a grown-up son too. He meets them, take them home and fulfills the ceremony of engagement and then he ends up to his friend with who’s instruction he wouldn’t do anything. And this person who is supposed to be the friend of Jordan suggests him to dump the girl as you can get many women to sleep with so why you need to marry one?

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What an evil thought? If this is how the mind works then imagine how he might be looking at women in his surroundings whether its his work place, community and social gathering events, his kid’s school or for that say his wife’s women friends? I mean such a filthy guy he would be that I felt as a woman he should be exposed so that we don’t want another #MeToo moment to come in any women’s life.

“A stare, a proximity, a smile, a touch-oddly familiar. He knows you wouldn’t speak, he knows you don’t understand enough to speak; Me too!” ~ Nipunya Panda

Jordan one day sends message on text saying he is breaking up with her. Poor thing Rose, who has no clue why he is breaking up? What she did that she is being punished except that she knows the previous day he went for a hike with his so-called friend.

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I have only thing to say to Rose, which is tough for her to handle because she loved Jordan and her son also loved him. Poor kid is going through counseling and therapy sessions as he is still not able to digest why Mom is crying, why Jordan will never come to our home?

“Her innocence, to him, was that sexual toy which he broke many times and every time fixed it with chocolates and ice-cream.” ~ notypriyanka

Rose, someone tried to play with your wings and while doing that they tried to break your wings. Hence, you’re bruised but I will say get well soon and be thankful that you’re not ending up like Jordan’s previous wives who have either divorced him or have embraced death as by suicide. You need to be there for your son and that too a strong one so that your son can learn too that this world is full of horrible men and he needs to change that face by being a gentleman!

“Educate a man and you educate an individual. Educate a woman and you educate a family.” ~ A. Cripps

I feel it’s a good riddance in this form for Rose that she didn’t have to lose her life, her son and her hard-earned money and house. Sometimes awakening happens in different ways and experiences.

Women have to unite to make sure men don’t miss use innocent women and just don’t disrespect when they are vulnerable.

~ Dawn

The next evolutionary step for humankind is to move from man to kind…!

Recently came across a note by friends in social media saying, women who don’t change their last name after marriage – is a sign of women empowerment.

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I see women having their own opinion on that note and I feel that itself is a great achievement that they made a choice, they have an opinion – some did change because they like it that way for what so ever reason – may be the culture they grew up with, or be part of their husband’s family and the belonging aspect of it etc. But having changed the last name or not, the truth is does that makes anyone liberated? I mean I have seen women without changing their last name after marriage and yet have not empowered to make any family decisions or even make a decision for themselves when it comes to career or any other choices.

“Some guys will want to change everything about you. But the right guy will not want to change one thing your last name.”

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Are we dwelling on the right thing when we say ‘women empowerment’? I am not sure but for these name change and not change things and the identity through those actions… because I feel irrespective of what your name is – whether the name and surname is from your maiden family? Or your name is given by your parents and surname is from your husband’s family? Or your first name and last name is given to you by your husband’s family during the marriage as part of the tradition?

“He stole my heart and I am planning for revenge. I am going to steal his last name!”

In my opinion nothing gives you an identity other than what you do and establish yourself as with your thoughts and actions. Believe it or not, I often say to friends when they ask me if I am Usha, Dawn, Fiza and my response to them is – what’s in the name?

“We cannot despair of humanity, since we ourselves are human beings.”

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Yes, what is in the name? I feel specially with the Indian culture and tradition when you see a name your mind opens into – the person is from which religion, caste, language, state and what not. Is this is what you’re defining as your identity? Then hell no!!! I don’t need such identity because I want to be known as a human first and not tied to any religion, caste, state, language or anything such things that divides the human race. I am sure if we were named as numbers because names cause these kinds of issues, still we would come up with who’s the top most and who’s not and would start discriminating based on that.

I have been treated so well the moment people came to know which place I come from and the state, some have treated me so well when they came to know I am Fiza, I got many friend requests and appreciations from Muslim friends, similarly many have asked me if I have married a white guy since I have my name as Usha Dawn – I mean c’mon!!! And to another extent the Dawn is referred as Dhawan and some south Indians they call me north Indian very proudly… I feel sorry for them!

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If people cannot connect with you or your identity without your last name, then it’s better not to connect because it will be a rough pathway.

“Humanity should be our race. Love should be our religion.”

Let’s be human first because that’s what we became as part of evolution and we have not been successful in doing a good job on that itself and we created so many barriers for ourselves in the name of caste, creed, culture, religion and what not!!!

“Find the sweetness in your own heart, then you may find the sweetness in every heart” ~ Rumi

~ Dawn

“People with no ambition never get out of the hole.”

Isn’t it says, change is good? Yes, it is and I am experiencing it too.
These days my commute to work is so less that I reach home in 20 minutes and first day I didn’t know what to do after coming home so early. Yes, it happens when you are used to be stuck in traffic for around 6 years.
This was a change for me and believe me the way I am managing my time is by cooking Maharashtrian food and if not then by reading. Because of my commute I hesitate to read anything because if I take a book to read it will never finish because the continuity is lost but now that’s not the case.

“Time is the school in which we learn, time is the fire in which we burn” ~ Delmore Schwartz

Recently, I have been reading a lot about women from history around the world and it’s a powerful one because it is inspiring. I always wondered in olden times there were more tough challenges for women and still some were tough cookies who did stand up for themselves and for others.

Winnie Madikizela-Mandela recently expired after illness and I read this in the news. I always felt she was a strong woman and did lot more than what Nelson Mandela did moreover I have heard many adored her and still many abhorred her and hence this curiosity to know what is unknown made me to dig internet and read about her. A life is that book which gives a story about her personal and public life. How she survived her husband’s imprisonment, harassment from the police and the apartheid government, betrayal from friends, solitary confinement and so much more. I strongly feel she was a strong selfless woman who was defiant, charismatic and enigmatic woman and she never got the recognition that she should have got. In this even I feel Nelson Mandela side-tracked her which I find it more painful because while he was in jail Winnie Madikizela kept the struggle flame alight which was not easy for a woman specially with two small kids.
I feel after a certain point even men become selfish when it comes to name and fame and being competitive with their own family member is something I felt hurt for Winnie.

“I am the product of the masses of my country and the product of my enemy” ~ Winnie Madikizela Mandela

As I was in these thoughts, I did read about Nelson Mandela as well because he was married three times and each wife says about him is that he was no saint! That also tells a lot about him as a person and I don’t think I have much admiration for him. I have more respect and admiration for Barack Obama instead.

But guess what, today is Maria Felix’s death anniversary, another strong woman from history and a much powerful one too. I think women should learn from Maria Felix’s life. She loved herself and lived life and that is her message for other women around the world.

“I have got just one message for the women of my country and of the world: I wish they loved themselves like I loved myself” ~ Maria Felix 

A very brilliant, sober, proud, beautiful and talented woman – an actress and a singer that was Maria Felix. If you get to read about her please do so, I had to get things translated in English as there’s tons of material on her in Spanish even poetries have been written on her that’s how beautiful she was. Her talent and beauty were never as outstanding as her strength, poise and approach to life. I think that’s what caught me and got me interested in reading about her. Internet is good source to get more information on her life, poetry and films which got thankfully translated in English.

She became a Mexican film icon throughout the ’50s and won three Ariel Best Actress Awards during her career.

I also saw her video when she was around 80s of her age and all I was thinking about her as a young woman – courageous! Few Mexicans have been outstanding and she definitely is one of them.

“I am a woman with a heart of a man” ~ Maria Felix

It feels great to read about strong women from history because it guides you and helps you to lead your way. I read some of her quotes and I really felt she is one of the stronger and rebellious one.
I loved reading her quotes and here I am sharing a couple…

“Diva is something invented, but I was not fabricated, life made me and made me very well.” ~ Maria Felix

“The best way to love someone is to accept them how they are, that is what I do with Antoine, it’s not easy, but to only love idiots is easy.” ~ Maria Felix 

“Since the beginning of time, men have taken the best part of the cake.” ~ Maria Felizx 

“Don’t give me advice, I can make my own mistakes” ~ Maria Felix

~ Dawn

"You have to crawl into the wounds to discover what your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin."

RAPE a word that was shameful to even say or spell…. its getting so common everywhere in the sense from reality to the victim to newspaper to discussion and what not… so sad that it’s the women who are suffering from it and as I read about it, in my mind I try to think and wonder how and why?

I mean I feel like saying to the girl through her mind while she is being attacked – KICK ON HIS BALLS!

Yes, sorry but to get out of this one has to hurt the other person such that the person doesn’t turn back and run after her. The person should run away far from her.

Women need to be tough and be ready to fight back. I mean I know it’s easy to talk about it when I am sitting in front of a computer and writing about it.

But seriously, I have always tried to replay in my mind how it must have happened… and probably I do this because I feel for the person who went through this. When simply by accident someone’s hand slides down your body you give a look and the other person will immediately tell you – ‘sorry’ and probably the person will just walk away.

But think about a situation where its not just a touch…its much more than that and a situation where a women when protests, she gets abused in very horrific manner that she is literally fighting with life and death…and actually if we see those men who rape whether its inside the house or outside of the house – its about showing their power.

Men, who are suffering from inferior complex, think powerful psychologically if they do such an act.  I am basically coming based on some readings and some analysts who have come up with!

Many species have this kind of behavior such as mammals, birds, insects and fish and there also female has to pay the cost.

I don’t know about animals, but as far as humans are considered  – where we talk about civilization and planning our homes on the Moon etc., this is something that must be zero tolerant. When law doesn’t support then sometimes common people have to take the law in their hands.

If every women can have this in their mind registered that Men who are weak are the one who do this low level of act, probably the mental situation of women will be better and strong to kick back. 

I think every women should learn how to attack and paralyze the men who attack or attempt for rape, in such a way that he should not get up from where he has fallen down.

I mean there are so many trainings and self-defense – I myself trained with Krav- Maga something in my country I cannot even think of getting it.  Because, this is something that cops and military personnel get trained with so that they can defend themselves from the person who is attacking them. Why should this be restricted to a specific category? It’s not about a country, now it’s a matter of every women and she is no longer a weaker commodity – like in olden days when people used to categorize women as “ABLA” (weaker section of gender – females mainly), in India – She is no longer weak. She is equally taking up all the challenges that men are taking already.  STOP this dual treatment and WE, as women have to compose and answer back. It’s not the time to get scared and surrender – FIGHT before they ACT.
I have so much aggression and anger for what happened last year around December time and now another incident in West Bengal that I want to do so much and yet feels so helpless.

Time has come when women have to be Kali (the Goddess of Time and Change) than being a Devi (Devi embodies the active energy and power of male deities) – especially to such dreadful creatures.

~ Dawn