And I would like to share one of the experience here with my readers.
This was in the 1997 year when I newly migrated in Toronto, Canada. As part of an immigrant I went through the initial struggle and that time I got a job of a Cashier in a Swiss Restaurant which was part time on minimum wage.
This is that time when I was struggling to meet the ends as the moment you land you have bills to pay for your stay, phone, grocery etc. I remember no matter what but I always made sure the rent money is secured and available in my bank account because I was worried about two things here, first insufficient funds fine those days was $25 and that insufficient could be .50 cents or a $1 but the fine is straight $25 out of your account. Second, if I am late on my rent I won’t have a roof on top of my head.
When you are alone in a country and nowhere to go then its really tough because you can’t even go to anyone asking for help in need.
“The trouble is, you think you have time” ~ Buddha
It was one of those moments when I was short of $5.00 in my account for the rent cheque to clear. And I was literally worried because I know the date when the rent would go from my account and there was no salary or deposit that was going to go into my bank account. I was literally panicking because something like this has never happened but this time I had to purchase the bus pass and $84.00 was used to for the monthly bus pass and probably that caused all this. But those days banking experience that I had in Canada was really different than what I used to have in India. I never had to pay a service charge to my bank for keeping my money. It was considered as a favor that I chose them to save my money. Hence $5.00 service charge was something that might have done this, but anyhow I was short of $5.00 for my rent cheque to clear and I was calling all kinds of Gods if they ever existed or I was begging the Time to be on my side and believe me I was asking for that help from my heart and without knowing who would understand my sad situation because I am praying and requesting in my mind and heart.
“If you don’t believe in miracles, perhaps you’ve forgotten you are one”
People do believe in miracle and yes, I also somehow believe in that. As I was stressing inside my heart and mind that ‘if there’s a God or supernatural powers then you should help me, look at my situation’!
And in few seconds or minutes I heard the mail slit on the door of apartments where postman slips in your mails, a sound came and I ran towards the door.
I saw an envelope near the door and quickly opened it to see and guess what? You won’t believe it because I couldn’t believe it either at that time. My ask for the Time was to help me with $5.00 as I am short of that and the envelope had a cheque for $10.00.
I don’t know about you, but I was on cloud nine. It’s unbelievable that you ask for $5 and you get $10? I couldn’t believe my eyes and hence I looked at the letter that was enclosed with the cheque and it said, this is the interest of your rent deposit.
Mind Blowing! I said, Canada I love you! Because when I went to rent this place I forgot that I had to deposit the first and last month rent and this is part of their security as they don’t know if we will give them the rent every time and on time. And look at their decency, they give you interest on the amount that we have kept with them as deposit.
“Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you have lost it, you can never get it back.” ~ Harvey Mackay
It was winter time and hence I just grabbed my jacket, muffler and my winter boot and rushed to catch the bus as the monthly pass allows you to travel to and fro n number of times. I deposited this cheque into my bank account and with great relief came home and slept peacefully.
The rent cheque got cleared and my bank account was with $5.00 balance in it.
I do believe time do test us sometimes but yes, this time do work with us for us sometimes too 🙂
Have you ever felt this way every? Where you have a lot to write and share about but when you sit to write, you are thinking which one to write first. Because there’s so much going around and mind is running at a speed to all those topics while the visuals are seen on the screen of your mind which stay for seconds and they pass on to the other.
“Absurdity is the ecstasy of intellectualism” ~ Criss Jami
The fact is that everything is so fast and changing by seconds. We don’t even enjoy or reflect on something that has just happened to us or even experienced by us. What’s the fun in that if we don’t enjoy? If we don’t slow down to taste that feeling then what’s the worth of all our effort?
The other day I was thinking about how much I used to write letters, the handwritten Inland Letter. Yes, I remember writing letters to my aunt, my grandma, my cousins, authors, poets and my penpals. My inland letters to them used to fill in all sides meaning it has 3 pages and I remember almost every time I had more stuff to write and it used to go outside of my letter too and I used to use the space outside of sender’s address area :).
Yes, that’s how much I used to write and probably because I like to write and share my letters used to be such that everyone has expressed that they felt as if they are talking to me in person. The way I look at it today is that those days we used to reflect and think and then used to write which made lot of sense and when we think and reflect we have better ways of expressions.
“We do not learn from experience…we learn from reflecting on experience” ~ John Dewey
I remember because of my letter writing habit and skill, my Mom used to ask me to write a letter to her best friend who was our neighbor for quite sometime and then later they moved to another state in India as part of job posting. All my Mom had to tell me was you need to write a letter to my friend, and then she might share one or two points that she might have received from her friend’s letter. Based on those 2-3 points entire story was created by me and then when I read out the letter loud to her she would beam with smile and happiness. She would say this is how exactly I wanted to write to my friend and you have very well expressed that closeness in this letter and she used to be so happy.
My Mom had a weakness, when it comes to letter writing she was very lazy. I remember she was lazy in writing letters to her Mom and Sisters, hence when I started writing letters everyone connected through my letter and got the updates from our side of everyone’s well being.
“To write is human, to receive a letter : Divine” ~ Susan Lendorth
I always felt letter writing is a gift in true sense. I used to spend hours and hours for the people whom I am writing and it shows my affection and closeness for them. When the other end receives my letter they get the exact feeling and warmth that I had packed for them in that letter through my words of affection, care and companionship. I walk with them through that letter sharing my journey and making sure they are also enjoying their journey which I used to get back in their replies.
These days it’s all about emails and hence the thoughtfulness and warmth is lost. It looks very formal and business like, where instead of bringing people close the distance is getting wider. I miss those days and hence, I have decided to take this letter writing seriously and believe me whoever leaves an address to me I will write a letter to them.
My gift to you – a hand written letter where you will find a human sharing stories.
“Very often a change of self is needed more than a change of scene” ~ Arthur Christopher Benson
My craze for my moon, yes I can call him as ‘my moon’ because it’s been long time since I have been loving him. The journey started from the small window of the jeep, bus, truck, you name it and it was through eyes that we both used to glance at each other. In the beginning it felt as if we are trying to know each other and at times he made me feel that it’s only me who is there for him. Yes, it was him who made me feel that way otherwise, shouldn’t I shut the door and go to sleep at night like everyone else does?
After saying goodnight to him through my eyes when I used to go to my bed, through the window he would make sure I am tucked well and sleeping sound and he didn’t stop there. He slowly started walking into my dreams and look he has captured my heart fully. The days and nights that I used to think about him whether I was going to college in the bus or walking to the grocery store, a thought used to sneak in, ‘what if he just one day comes in front of me’?
“Love is when you look into someone’s eyes and see everything you need”
The days have gone and years have passed but the passion and love has deep rooted inside that now I don’t feel that he is separate from me. He is mine and hence the closeness and my right on him. I think we have established that understanding between us because it’s our eye language through which we chat and express feelings to each other.
The night before eclipse, he was right in front of me as if just came up behind the mountain to see me. I was also fully excited to receive him with my eyes and started taking his picture. I told him I may not be getting up to watch you when you will be trying to please me in various ways. I didn’t even set an alarm. But whole night he kept me awake.
“If you have never lost your mind, then you have never followed your heart”
Like a zombie I was getting up each hour to see him and each time I saw him I took his picture. The whole night went by and early morning when I saw him filled with love in red I hugged him and slept in my bed. All that time I was whispering to him, about how he kept me follow him all night even though I didn’t plan to.
He was smiling and caressing me while saying that, this was all for you so how can you not be there when I am romancing you!
I believe he is there for me and one day I will see him 🙂
“Crazy love passes fast but the love of two crazies stays forever”
My love My Moon
Yes, I don’t want to mix this with the usual tech industry norms of ‘stand-up’ meeting.
Standing up for self and for others is basically asking defend and be strong. This is what I teach my kids because I always have this fact behind my mind that one day I will be gone and kids will have to face this world all by themselves.
We all know how this world is and it’s not easy to live in. My thinking used to be that as we move forward in life we will be more intelligent and will be more human but that’s not the reality.
“Charity begins at home, and justice begins next door” ~ Charles Dickens
My son is a big fan of Katy Perry the American songwriter and singer, since he was 5 years old. He loves her songs and he sings them as well. Since then he has been after me to go for Katy Perry’s concert and not only this but he would also check if she is performing anywhere. Years passed but he would come and tell she is performing in London or Costa Rica, can we go and I had to tell him it’s far and expensive to go for a concert in those places.
Finally, it happened and Katy Perry’s tour was announced on the 101.3 radio and I got excited about it only because I could imagine my son’s excitement if he would know about it.
I went ahead and booked the ticket even though it was way too early. His excitement and happiness had no limits and at the same time he thanked a million times for this opportunity to watch Katy Perry’s live concert.
He also requested if possible can we buy her t-shirt at the concert and I said sure!
“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything” ~ Plato
The concert was good, we all enjoyed it as by now we knew all the songs that Katy Perry has sung and more over those who have attended her concert know that she is a great performer and entertainer as well. We bought t-shirt and my son was so happy and excited that he was ready to wear the t-shirt to his school and let the world know that he finally did attend Katy Perry’s concert.
I was really happy for him being a music lover I know the excitement of attending the concerts as I do all the time.
He went to school wearing Katy Perry’s t-shirt and couple of kids teased him why he is wearing a t-shirt that has a girl on it. We got to know all this only when he returned that afternoon from school. What I saw was a strong person in my son. He clearly told them he is a big fan of Katy Perry and he likes her and hence he is wearing the t-shirt. He also said, I support her, don’t you support your mom and/or sister?
I was amazed at his stand! However, I didn’t like when I heard his friend was nagging about this as why he wore that t-shirt. I felt this should be reported to the office, because no one should tell anyone what they should do. It’s everyone’s individual choice.
I was reading few quotes to my son on the internet and I showed some of Martin Luther King Jr. quotes which spoke about standing up for self and for others. I told my son, today what you did is for self and I am proud of you.
“Our children have to be educated in the values of equality, freedom of choice and democracy” ~Ehud Barak
Couple weeks went by and as I was folding the clothes from the laundry wash, he sees the t-shirt is washed and the response comes, yay! I see my t-shirt seems got washed, nice and clean so I can wear this tomorrow to school!
I was surprised and happy too!
I was surprised because last time when he wore that t-shirt he had an incident at school and now he is again going to wear it and I was nervous again things will be different. So, I asked my son, ‘are you sure? You want to wear this even though you know what happened last time?’
My son’s response was cute, ‘I don’t care what anyone says. I like Katy Perry and I will wear the t-shirt again.’
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.
This made me feel very proud about my son. It could be a small thing but this is important step in life, to stand up for self. One should have the freedom to choose what they want and not others to choose for them.
His best friend asked again, why you are wearing that girl’s t-shirt and my son had an answer for him.
‘Would you support your mom, sister and your girl cats?’ If your answer is yes, then this is for Katy Perry and I support her!’
It is very important to have that freedom to choose for self. Today he stood for himself and I am sure he will stand for others too!
“There is no such thing as freedom of choice unless there is freedom to refuse” ~David Hume
Today is a sad day! This morning when Dad called and said that my Uncle (Mom’s brother), expired I was more like a professional receiving a bad news and handling the situation very sensibly. I even told my Dad, tell Mom not to think too much as Uncle has been suffering a lot lately and we all should think it’s a relief for him from all his pains.
Like we all do some news takes time to sink in. My mind unconsciously was processing this news though I was attending meetings and adding value to come up with a business decision. Even when I went to the gym I was telling myself I am going to release all my stress here.
I came back to my desk and while having lunch I wrote a note to my cousins
“Heard the news… Don’t know what to say I grew up with him. All my childhood memories are covered with him… It’s sad yet feel good that I was able to meet him when he was serious first time… I will always cherish the best and will feel happy for having such a Ammavan (Uncle) in my life who was a kid with me when I was a kid and he walked through with me as a friend, guide, advisor always ♥… I don’t want anyone to feel sad because being so good he suffered a lot in the past 21/2 years and he needed this rest but he pulled along because of the love that he has with all of us. Peace and Love”
As soon I wrote this tears rushed into my eyes, as if the writing made me to sink in that news and I was all of a sudden feeling that a big part of my childhood is gone and now it’s only memories.
I couldn’t stop at that as things started rolling in mind…
He was very close to my Mom and then when I was born he really spoiled me. My first time eating beef that too in Jayanti Janata Express train, I remember writing a post on this.
I was always a special niece for him as all my other cousins either they are scared of him or out of respect they will never come in front of him.
I was always different because I never believed that one needs to be away from someone you love and respect. I remember how my Uncle used to play pranks with me and he used to lift me by my legs and put my head down hanging. All this circus I used to enjoy while my Grandma used to get worried.
There are so many memories that it just brings the moment live in front of my eyes.
I remember one time when my neighbor friend called me to give him company to go to the nearby grocery store to get some item for his mom to cook in the kitchen and I agreed to go with him.
It was not dark as sun was still there however, sun was planning to set and by the time we came back it was little dark and my Mom was waiting for me with a stick in hand. That day my uncle was visiting us and he was also standing next to my Mom.
The moment I saw both of them, I knew I am going to get it today and that too a good one.
I started apologizing from far and said Mom, please don’t hit me I will never go again. But my Uncle came forward and by holding my hand he brought me closer to Mom and said but this is important so that you remember very well next time. I was totally surprised at that. He always pampered me and always supported me in everything but this time it was different.
I wondered what happened, but yes he cared for me dearly and never wanted me as a kid to be in a crowded place that too without my parents or guardians when it was about to get dark.
The best thing about life is that small incidents no matter how old it is the person makes it special and memorable that no matter how old you get it remains fresh in mind as if it happened yesterday.
I have spent a very good portion of my childhood with my Uncle and when he is gone from this world, all I feel is a big part of my childhood is gone. It’s a big void and I hope wherever he is, he should be in peace. I will dearly miss him always!
“The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained”
This time of the year, I really miss India, specially Pune. Growing up in Pune as a Malayalee (Keralite) is one thing but I grew up watching and being part of Diwali celebration.
I think every year I did something or the other and celebrated in my way but this time probably I am feeling its all fake. My friends say I should still do it that’s how kids are going to know and learn about it. But Diwali is not only about one person it’s about everyone celebrating and when you don’t have that kind of unity it’s a failure.
“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate” ~ Oprah Winfrey
Being in NDA, Pune I celebrated diwali with friends and family by wearing new clothes, exchanging sweets, mom used to make sweets at home- I miss karanji the most and play with fireworks (Laxmi bomb, Vishnu bomb, paanpatti, phuljhadi, ladi, captain bomb, rocket and so on) – it was fun. But when I got to live with Maharashtrians in the family I fully lived the 6 days diwali celebration and each day had its meaning and purpose and there was so much of enthusiasm that no matter what issues you have all goes away during festivity times. The weeks ahead preparation of sweets, shopping for 6 days different clothes and matching jewelries and so on… the crowd used to be fun and late nights coming home with eating dinner out as no one has time to cook and yet excited with the whole nine yard celebration.
“We don’t call it homesick. We call it missing home. There’s not a sickness involved, it’s a state of mind.”
I miss all that today and feels a vacuum everywhere. So many messages, celebration pictures on social media and all this is reflecting on me and my thoughts.
A diwali where I am missing my mom’s homemade sweets and the traditional aspect of the celebration.
“Sometimes you will never know the true value of a Moment until it becomes a Memory”