Not every sorry deserves an “It’s Okay” in return!

It’s so true that one person has to be courageous and come out and then others automatically gain the confidence and courage to come and share their story.
Yes, I am talking about the #MeTooMovement that has taken like a huge storm and I hope its just the beginning.

workplace-adversity

As I was reading news and on social media about women being harassed at work place or even looked at as a piece of meat, it just gives you to reflect about so many things that has happened in your own life.
Women has the toughest job to do and that is if she doesn’t want to be dependent on anyone financially and she takes up a job in a company – then its basically means you’re on your own. Because if you complain then the response is ‘you better stay at home’.

I know there are many women who have been home makers for this reason. When a woman at work is harassed by her manager and she tries to stop him many times and yet he never stops. It reaches to a point where your colleagues ask you if you’re okay because you keep going into you manager’s room who keeps calling you in his room for 1 on 1s and you end up going each time because each time he says its about the project and this stress you share at home, it’s not necessary that she will get a support from her loved ones saying, lets talk about it or do something about it. They will still let her go to that same workplace, to that same manager and its that same environment where she is being sent.

“We have to have the courage to tell people when their behavior or the way they talk makes us uncomfortable.”

Financial support is something a woman tries to do for her family where her thinking is mainly to support her husband and family. When a husband doesn’t have a job or has a business which doesn’t bring in much income the support system is on the woman. At such time when she is being harassed by her manager at work, what options she has: tell at home and see what they suggest? If there is no suggestion then you know what it means, or you change your job, but whats the guarantee the next manager is going to be good? You’re taking a chance but until you find another job you’re stuck with the present manager because your family depends on you.

“At the end of the day, don’t forget that you’re a person, don’t forget that you’re a mother; a wife and a daughter.” ~ Indira Nooyi

Women will suffer for her family and why only women? Because women are raised that way from the beginning. They are taught you’re born strong so do all the hard work and yet any issue comes just be quiet and move on because women are supposed to not complain and if it’s about men then oh! no!!! never complain about them because women are such a piece of meat that they will be blamed but men won’t be blamed and the bad name will come to the women.
She shared with few friends and they said, ‘Complain it to Human Resources, but then no idea if the next manager wants to hire you because this will be in the system. They might keep the manager because he is an employee and then they might fire you as you are a contractor”.

“Show respect even to the people who don’t deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours.” ~ Dave Willis

Here the harassment from the manager and no security or help from husband – both are men and what should this woman do? If anyone has an answer then do comment!

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

~ Dawn

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There is no certainty; there is only adventure ;)

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While growing up I never thought I will leave the place which I call as home and hence the thought of blind date with the world is something not even came in my dream.

But as I started going to college and started reading things the curiosity bug bit me too. I often thought of just going to some place and keep traveling because at the end of the day what do you need – something to eat, a safe place to sleep and stay and then keep moving.

“The biggest  adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams” ~ Oprah Winfrey

I had many times discussed this with my school friends about dreaming of living in a place in a small hut where in the backside of the hut we have some vegetable garden with veggies and in front of the house are the hot springs where we cook most of our food and eat and sleep under the sky gazing stars and my Moon.

I know dreams are so beautiful and when someone says go live your dream – that’s really an action which once taken then you’re on your own.

I also took such a blind date with the world and it was in the year of 1997 when I took a one-way ticket to Toronto, Canada. I had gone through the process of immigration where I got my Permanent Residential visa and I headed to this blind date with Canada where I have no friends and/or family. I will share the journey which now I look back and feel good about taking that blind date with Canada because it changes my whole perspective about how I look at world now.

“We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.” ~ Jawaharlal Nehru

I remember I had only clothes in my suitcase as I had heard its very cold in Canada and so I landed in the month of April assuming it will be spring and may not be cold. Surprisingly, it was still snowing that year and I had my mixed feelings towards that. It’s beautiful how nature itself deals with all these seasonal changes and how people adapt to it too.

traveling

My journey was a struggle in the beginning because when you land at any place which is not your home, you start your bill from that moment. Not only that, there’s a strangeness in the beginning and also cultural shocks which makes you to be more cautious. I somehow made use of the newspaper ads which helped me to get the rental basement space for me even though the job was still far from me. I have met many people during this struggle time and to be frank only Indians took advantage of my situation. Others, they offered help without expecting anything in return. I am not sure if I should call that out but that’s one of the experiences which happened not once but number of times.

People tried to convert me to Christianity, so they can get money from their institution and to me they suggested we will help you with the job, which was totally incorrect, and I am glad I didn’t fall for it. One thing I knew that there are no free lunches so some of the proverbs that I learnt in school did actually help me from not making mistakes.

“Life is an adventure, it’s not a package tour.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

But then in all this, you tend to find yourself safe in the custody of your race and people and that’s what lead me to suffer. The moment I freed my mind from that, I felt a relief and freedom from all tie-ups, taboos and everything. It’s all about your mind believe me. I decided to move out of renting in someone’s house and went to rent a one-bedroom apartment where I had my freedom and independence to live. It not only gave me my space, but it also taught me how to not look to lean all the time.

I found a small job as a part-time cashier with minimum wage, but again it was the mind which said this is not what you came here for and so I decided in 4 months I need to move on from here. And believe me sometimes you go to make your decision from your mind and not heart, because only then you can do things that your heart wants.

One after the other jobs and finally I ended up in a Bank and it completely changed my life, from an HR field to technology field the merge was amazing, and the transition was such that I figured out my actual interest which is people and technology that enables people to do things. I guess the blend of this helped me to move from one company to the other and one place to the other, and now I am in California, USA.

I think we should all blind date with the world, so we understand people and life better. Sitting in a comfort zone can make anyone do anything that they feel is right but actual life is in traveling and understanding the life of different people. So, I love this blind date which made me to marry to traveling :).

It’s true that blind date is not always about happy ending, because many ups and downs are there which occurred in my life too because of meeting wrong people at the wrong time and place but the better lesson you learn and move out from there. Because life always gives you another chance and that’s up to us to see and grab it.

“Life experience is what defines our character, even if it means getting your heart broken or being lied to. You know, you need the downs to appreciate the ups. Going on the adventure or taking that risk is important.” ~ Nev Schulman

As I was getting comfortable with my date in Toronto, I decided to do another blind date with San Francisco, in California USA. Let me tell you, it was not a very happy one. I feel when there is a change, it does bring some turbulence, but one got to hold on to it and stay strong that’s what I did. Initial days I didn’t like US. It was something like I started comparing between Canada and USA. Everything I related it that way, whether its people, place, behavior or even the process in banking etc. I realized I was missing Canada very much because it was my first blind date with whom I fell in love, so the first love is always there as special in my heart. I guess no one will understand that because that journey I had taken alone and every corner of the place, city, people have made an impact on me. It is difficult to not be connected with a place where I started from scratch and built my home finally.

Over the period, I went back to visit and be at every place that I lived in, walked around and worked around and after that when I came back to California it was kind of be at peace.

“Life would be pretty boring if I didn’t explore. It’s about letting my ears take me on an adventure to soak in everything I can.” ~ Trombone Shorty

I would like to go for another blind date and I am just going to go for that soon!

~ Dawn

Alone you can do so little; together we can do so much ;)

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Thoughts have been going around in mind since the world cup season started but then I couldn’t find time to jot it down.

Besides engaging myself at work, these days giving time to read. Reading is like spending time to reflect and I am sure those who write would agree with me that it is important to reflect and read because that helps 😊.

Having said all of that, my main topic is about the game. Indeed, last time I was cheering for Brazil, Spain and then we all know what happened. But hey, that didn’t let me lose hope this year I cheered for Brazil and I wished for Argentina to make it to the finals and play opposite to Brazil, I did support Spain and with all that has happened I did support Croatia and was really happy to see they won the match against England.

soccer-field

I have friends all over the world and the beauty about this so called ‘diversity’ is that you change jobs, you meet new people from different parts of the world and it’s an engaging experience. I have so many friends from England and felt sorry to see their reaction when they asked me ‘Why Croatia?’

Yes, it is hard to justify anyone when you are not from one of those countries who is participating in the world cup. I feel I am above all those barriers. To me its people and as I watch and read about these players my support and cheer goes to those and main reason to be with Croatia is because of the captain of the team Modric. I sincerely felt that match they should win because of their performance on the field.

“It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up” ~ Babe Ruth

Anyway, I was more here to share my thoughts in the form of poetry, when I thought of soccer and golf:

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Happen to be a fan of soccer as a kid and played in the rain too

Eleven players on a rectangular field with spherical ball

Run and chase around without touching the ball with hands,

Only to put the ball in the oppositions goal to score a point,

You use your feet to strike or pass the ball around,

When you make a goal against the opposite team,

Depending who scored highest will win,

If they are equal, then it’s a draw and if not,

You get extra time to play or penalty shootout,

To make things even with your opponent,

Isn’t that something we all would like 😊,

When we are losing, or struggling an extra time can help,

Soccer the rough game we play by kicking and heading,

Running and chase to get the ball and put it in others post,

For all this one does some tricks, kick and play foul too,

Like a punishment a colorful card is given to you by referee,

What a fun game which originated as a kick ball.

The I saw this club and ball sport called Golf,

The players will use various clubs to hit the ball

Into series of holes on a Golf course in as few strokes,

This one needs usually has progressing 18 holes,

For some recreational ones have 9 holes,

Each hole on the course must have a tee box,

And putting green with actual hole or cup,

Each hole on a course is unique in specific layout,

Golf is played with lowest strokes called stroke play,

Or lowest in the entire round called match play,

Some say it originated from Romans paganica and

Some say it originated from China chuiwan or is it the

Cambuca or chaugan or kolven, wherever it originated,

The rule is to play with all fairness,

I often looked the two balls and wondered…

How two balls make the world go crazy around

Some with teeing ground and some with rectangular field

One is individual and the other is the team sport

All I know soccer is fun even if you kick one another!!!

Concepts

That reminds me the weekend is busy with finals I am excited, are you?

“Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence wins championships” ~ Michael Jordan

~ Dawn

The wounded recognized the wounded!

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Living in the city can be so different than from the remote villages, one can never imagine.

There is no electricity in the house at night, oil lamps made of brass is used and nature at such times is so quiet and dark that one can only be speechless. The cricket noise and sometimes you will hear the noise in the grass which could be of a snake who is finding its way to you.

All that is scary and adventurous especially when you are visiting during school vacation.

“A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in” ~ Robert Orben

The little girl Asha, who is only 5-6 years old is scared of all these creatures be it snake, insects because some of these ones she has never seen in the city and the variety of spiders you get to see in the rain-forest areas, and their names are more or less the knowledge that she takes from here to her school to share with her friends.

Life in the middle of greenery can be happy until one morning she saw some rashes on her hand. It looked like a rash on the skin which if broken can spill the water and be infectious. She ran to show this to her mom.

Asha: Mom, look …look what happened here? Its red and I feel like itching, but I am scared.

Mom looks at it and talks to her sister (Aunt) Leena.

When Aunt Leena looks at it her immediate reaction –  oh this is spider poison. This is easy to cure once we show her to the village spider physician who practices Ayurveda medicine.

Mom is not much impressed as she doesn’t know if that will help Asha.

However, they plan to take her to the spider related issues treating physician.

Asha along with Aunt Leena goes to see the Ayurveda physician.

The physician of course was an elderly person with grey hair, unshaven slight gray beard with aged grayish eyes, skinny staring at Asha. Asha got scared at first and she hesitated to be in front of him, so she stayed behind her Aunt Leena.

Aunt Leena gave the details and pulled Asha with her hand to show the rashes.

The physician holds the hand and checks with holding his glasses and says yes this is spider bite and I can give her some medicine for which she needs to take shower and come in a towel. This seemed like Ayurveda with some magic.

Asha was scared and whispered to her aunt, ‘you also come I am scared to go alone’!

Aunt Leena said, ‘you should be fine he is going to treat you and give medicine’.

Now, Asha goes to this place where it’s all covered with coconut leaves as a shed and she goes in there with a towel wrapped and finds this physician is waiting for her.

Asha as always cautious and nervous in front of strangers, sat there as the physician asked her to do so. He started chanting some mantras and as he was chanting his hands were touching Asha on her head, shoulder and then her stomach and below when Asha got uncomfortable and started crying to raise her voice enough to be heard, because at this time she feels she is all alone.

The physician gives a stern look at Asha with his grey eyes and splashes some water and then lets her go.

“One believes things because one has been conditioned to believe them” ~ Aldous Huxley

Asha is all scared and comes home with her aunt Leena and the moment she gets in the house she runs to her mom and holds her and starts crying.

Asha’s mom asks what happened, what did the physician say?

By now Asha stops crying and tells everything in detail that happened to her.

Asha’s mom gets furious, and she goes out of the room scolding her elder sister Leena,

“Is this how they treat here? I thought he is a respectable man in the community and this is how he treats small kids?”

Aunt Leena when she heard the story, got so angry that she straight went to the physician immediately without thinking for a second time and broke that treatment shed and called off his son to stop this business. She yelled at them saying, “I will let everyone know in this village what you do and how you treat people”.

By saying that she broke the shed and walked out of the place.

That was the day and the spider treating physician’s business was never seen or heard ever. After that incident his shop was closed forever. Asha felt that spider is less scary than the physician. She still can see his face and that picture of the shed where she was sitting and the physician sitting in front of her staring in to her eyes.

“Childhood should be carefree, playing in the sun; not living a nightmare in the darkness of the soul.” ~ Dave Pelzer

We always respect people who are elderly and hence people wouldn’t talk openly about such molestation and abuse that might be still happening around the world. It’s still a taboo and many places it’s the elderly age that inhibits to expose them because they fear what other might say or think about them.

“She is still a prisoner of her childhood; attempting to create a new life, she re encounters the trauma” ~ Judith Lewis Herman

We should be able to share things with our near and dear ones otherwise there is no use of calling loved ones anymore.

If loved ones are the one who are taking these kids, then they need to be extra careful no matter how well you know the person.

Protect your kids from these vicious animals because this puts a life-long impact in the minds of these children who are molested, the spider bite can always be cured but the mental trauma is something that keeps haunting.

“If the sound of happy children is grating on your ears, I don’t think it’s the children who need to be adjusted.” ~ Stefan Molyneux

~ Dawn

They should tell you when you’re born: have a suitcase heart, be ready to travel…

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This morning I read Shweta Nanda’s article on empty nest. I applaud her to acknowledge something like this and not shy away because of the celebrity status quo.

Some of her call outs in the article made me think that may be for homemakers sometimes it’s more difficult than the women who have career outside. Homemakers focus, and dedication is all around the home and associated with it and hence when kids go away the void is bigger than what the working women can feel and that is because working women share some space with outside world whether it be with work and with colleagues and friends.

“You will never achieve what you are capable of if you’re too attached to things you’re supposed to let go of.”

Homemakers have to start from the scratch and that itself is a change which could be challenging, one can feel that more in the article.

I also read in her article about “life is flawed, there is no such thing as a soulmate and nothing lasts forever is so empowering.”

This statement made me a bit sad or should I say I still want to believe there is something called soulmate and yes when nest is empty one can plan life with their soulmate, it could be traveling, a peaceful walk/hike or even spending time together doing similar tastes of hobbies. But given that kids have gone and now your partner is also not there then definitely its individual choice that one needs to make and for a working woman she may have many options by choosing a job which gives more travel opportunity or travel to different country and work there as long as you want to stay there and move on to next and so on.

But yes, when you hear nothing lasts forever that kind of gives you freedom and hence it is empowering.

“We have nothing that is really our own; we hold everything as a loan.” ~ Nicolas Poussin

All this tells me is process for detachment and this doesn’t have to be until the kids leaves the nest. It can start early by teaching your kids to be independent early enough to manage their own things with parental guidance.

I often think of those moments where kids will go away, and my heart should not cry or depend on them. Of course, as a mother you will always care for the well-being of your children but when children have left then we should allow them to lead their life the way they want as by now we have raised an adult who will make the decision that is appropriate for them at least.

Basically, it ends up with a task completion of raising kids and let them fly and we move on with another task which should be nourish yourself that gives more happiness and contentment in life.

“If you depend on others to make your dream come true, it may not ever happen.” ~ Dawn

~ Dawn

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength

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The fear of dying is not that much as much as fear of losing is, why?

Because we are well aware that dying means it’s a complete dead end and it won’t matter to us anymore if anything happens.

It is totally different while you are alive, how deal with day to day activities and incidents. Based on these I always feel human is not futuristic at all because we are always worries with our immediate requirements and how to fulfill them.

How come we don’t worry everyday about driving our car to work or whatever our destination may be? Because driving a motor car is more dangerous if we are not careful and can cause damage to self and others, that’s more chaos yet without much thinking we take our car keys and walk out of the door with the confidence that we will be back home. We even tell our family, dog and everyone that see you in the evening. But then we worry about what if I lose this job today or tomorrow? What if I am not able to pay my mortgage? What if I am not making money? Will that make a huge impact? Or will I survive?

“People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

I would say leave all that worry behind, when we cannot control something, not even death then why worry unnecessarily about anything?

If things have to happen then it will happen, and the consequences will be seen and mitigated accordingly then. I truly take this guidance from my Dad because even when someone pick-pocket a large sum money from his pocket, my Mom was concerned about the money that is gone and my Dad was like it’s gone so no point in worrying. All I look at it as that money was not meant for me.

So easy, phew! I also agree with that why worry about something which is already gone? And why worry about something which has not happened yet?

Be worry free and live life every moment ~ Dawn

~ Dawn

Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance…!

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Time many people call is valuable and is running all the time.

I wonder doesn’t this time gets tired of running this fast all the time?

And why should we run around him like a slave, when we say don’t be anyone’s slave?

So many contradictory statements we make and still we follow them, why?

Are we so hypocrite or we are helpless in front of all these?

This doesn’t help, because what is the use of being knowledgeable and yet can’t follow what we believe in?

Why we call ourselves independent and yet see ourselves tied to a clock, a calendar, a place and so many such things?

We do call things are all materialistic and we should keep ourselves free of them, yet this dilemma, why?

Do we really know that we still follow things that we don’t want to follow?

Are we confused that we stumble upon things like a trolley and just go by the flow and speed?

Or is it that we make a goal for ourselves calling it a passion and the rest is tied-up to all these immaterial things that bind us, tie us to a tracking system?

Why we are and what we are?

There might be an answer for each one which might be different. I am searching mine hope you find yours.

~ Dawn