Time moves in one direction and —> memory in another <—

I had this opportunity to watch Tamil movie – 96 and much thanks to my hubby who actually put up a review about this movie and that’s when came to know about the existence of this movie.

This is a story about school-time crush and how we move on in life and that crush still remains in your heart but they never get together in life, at least in this movie its like that.
The movie is good and what I liked about it is that in this the crush or love is from both sides and hence the loss of being together in life is sensed more and as an audience you feel sorry for them because no matter how many years have gone, at the reunion the love or crush is still at the highest intensity and yet they go back to their lives respecting what they have committed for.
This movie actually brought lot of my school-time memories and hence I want to write this post in remembering all those boys who had a crush on me and some I don’t even know at that time and some I came to know later in life when they got connected with me on social media.
Actually, I never had any crush or love in school or college time. But I do remember one which came in as a proposal in life later and I came to know very late about it.

“Some memories are unforgettable, remaining ever vivid and heartwarming!” ~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

This was when I was in 10th grade and I was visiting my Grandma from my Mom’s side. I remember I used to be more hanging out with my Aunt, who used to visit her friend’s place who was a widow with two boys. One was way older and the other seemed like in college or high-school. The boy I will call here as Madhu, who would silently gaze at me when I used to visit their house with my Aunt and he would never utter a word with me but would talk to my Aunt. I used to be a shy and scary as I used to find it a bit awkward visiting from different state to this one.

The visits were more and so I happened to meet Madhu more often and his stare would make me a bit awkward and I used to ask my Aunt about Madhu. Slowly things started getting in such a way that when I am at my front door at my Aunt’s place or my Uncle’s place he could see me through his front deck, that’s the house was close.
I remember once I was walking down the road with my cousin and he waited for me till evening until I returned home.
He used to sometimes follow us when I am going with my Aunt and used to engage my Aunt in talks. As much praise I have heard from my Aunt about him, that much I felt good about him as he was serious about his studies and he is sincere and well behaved.. all this only made me think of him as a good person.
That vacation went by quick and I remember the last day he ran after my Aunt asking about us, if we have left and my Aunt said they will be leaving tomorrow morning and he just came up with some excuse to come to our home. He was there for long time staring at me and I was kind of smiling as I think I felt that he will miss us.

“Time flies, but memories last forever.”

Things moved on and after couple of years when I came back again on vacation, I didn’t see him at all. I got curious and I asked my Aunt about Madhu and she said oh, he joined Army so he is not here in town. That made me miss him but I felt good that he is focused on his career and life.
Time was flying like a kite, I got busy with my high-school and then college and so forth. On my every visit I used to ask my Aunt about Madhu and I used to get news that he was tired of Army life and he escaped from there and so now cops are looking for him. I used to worry, now what? And my Aunt would say they will take him back and he will be completing his Army training as one shouldn’t be running away from the training.
I used to worry and think about it when I used to visit my Grandma’s place but when I used to come back to my home the usual life kicked in and I got busy with my life.
Dating concept was not something that we had and hence, there was nothing like that I could think of him or any other guy during that time. Anyway, I got busy with life and after many years I went back to visit my Aunt with my 4 year old daughter.
This was the time when I was asking about all the people that I have known since my childhood and my Aunt would give me all the updates about the neighboring people and I brought his name…where’s Madhu? How is he doing? Did he go back to Army? What is he doing?

“Good times become good memories and bad time become good lessons..”

The answer that I got from my Aunt was painful and shocking too. My Aunt said, they left this place as they sold their property and moved to a different place. His elder brother is married and he lives somewhere close by but Madhu had come here with his mother to ask for marriage with your parents. This was something I initially couldn’t believe. Because, even though I thought he liked me when we used to see each other during my visits, but I never thought that he was so serious about me. I got curious and asked, when did they meet my parents?
My Aunt said, during the time when your Mom and Dad were visiting here and you were busy with college, during that time they visited here and said their son Madhu likes their daughter and would like to marry with everyone’s blessings. I was shocked but was sad and it was a mixed emotion.
I said and?
Aunt said, your Dad said we don’t intend our daughter to get married to an Army guy. And even if we do want to then we don’t want to send our daughter to this place.

I was completely shocked and felt like a Bollywood movie where the girl’s father is always playing the villain role. All I could imagine in my mind was Madhu’s Mom because she was a very respectful woman in the area and she had raised her two sons without her husband. She was well educated and was working in a good government establishment. I was really feeling sad. I looked at my Aunt and said, is this real? How come then no one said anything about this till date?

“Sometimes I just wish that I could fast forward time, just to see if it’s all worth it in the end.”

My Aunt looked at me and said, well he loved you since school time and I even asked him that have you ever talked to her and his answer was – no!
But he loved you and he thought when the right time comes he would ask your parents permission as he felt you are not the kind of girl who would love and write love letters and continue the relationship..!

That incident made me feel very sad and I feel for Madhu even though it was not love from my side, but the sincerity of him killed my ego. I don’t know if meeting with him and talking to him could give a closure to this but …this has left me with those painful moments yet when I walk through the memory lanes, the moments of visiting his home, his stare, he bringing stuff at home for me and all those opportunities where he wouldn’t miss to see me, even if it was a glance… have tickled my heart at the same time.

I feel life is full of surprises and yet you never know who would come to rescue when you are in need… it could be someone from your past life… or someone new?

“The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you”

~ Dawn

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To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else

Life is so complicated, that I always refer back and wonder there was nothing wrong with my childhood. Why life doesn’t remain a child always?

As a kid we fight with our best friend and we also know how to make it up. But its only when we grow up we don’t know how to make up and why is that? Specially, when we say kids don’t know anything they are still growing..they are still learning.

“We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today” ~ Stacia Taushcher

I think it’s time for a change in understanding that kids are not mere kids who don’t know anything. In fact we can learn a lot even if we have grown up we have our kids or kids around us from whom we can learn.

I always like to go back to my childhood and many of my friends say that I am going in my past. There is nothing wrong in taking tips and learning from past – isn’t it?

My dad many times supported me as a child on my decisions and I think he knew exactly what he was doing at that time even though it looked to my mom that my dad is unnecessarily spoiling me!

This reminds me of an incident it was my 12th birthday. I remember I had few friends who used to fight to be my best friends. Why if you ask, I am not sure may be because of my fun loving nature or something else but they used to make me say it and make me write it on my rough book that – so and so is my best friend.

“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget”


I remember my nature was that I used to do it just to make them happy. Because prior doing that I always used to tell them that you all are my best friends and one is under one arm and the other is another and I used to put my arms around them. I realize still they had this insecurity of loosing me as a friend.

Hence I used to write it and I think this nature of mine make them take me for granted! Something that we all complain today about it isn’t it?

In all this we had another rival friend who always wanted to be the boss. I am pretty sure these things exist even today in school with kids. The names might have changed like a popular group and not so popular group.

Anyway when this ‘want-to-be’ popular person tried to influence my friends it didn’t work out in her favor and it so happened that she tried to play in a bad way – which we might call it as bad politics! See even kids know how to play politics and those who don’t will never learn anyway!

This friend – why I call her a friend is because she used to act as our friend and we trusted her. She tried to influence my friends and it so happened that they all came for my birthday celebration – wished me, brought presents, sang with me and had a ball of time. Everyone went home and around 10 p.m. we get a knock at our back door. When my mom opened the gate we see all of my friends along with this ‘want-to be’ popular friend and they started complaining about me to my mom.

Your daughter said this about her and that and what not and it came to a stage where my mom was getting so furious that she called me with anger and said, you call them your friends? Now on you are going to school only to study and no friendship. You don’t go to school to make friends. Hence forth you will not talk to any of them.
My mom told my friends that hence forth my daughter will not talk to you anymore. Please don’t make any friendship with her. If she is so bad then you shouldn’t be having such friend.

That night was a terrible night for me – the fun and excitement of my birthday ended as if a beautiful piece of glass vase was thrown down from top only to crush it into tiny pieces.
The night went in thinking as what made that my friends who were looking for me to be their best friend changed them so bad that they were complaining about me to my mom? and then my mom’s decision that was just thrown at me. No one asked for any explanation, nothing as if I don’t have a say!
I was very upset and waited till the night took me into the darkness till where I unknowingly went to sleep.

Next day when I woke up it was rough and sour – the feeling. I was kind of unhappy and was angry with everyone I suppose and hence I got ready for school. When my mom was about to leave for her office she came to me and said, ‘so you remember what I said yesterday? I don’t want you to be friends with such kids who come on your birthday and complain about you. You don’t need such people as your friends.’

I was like mom, now in school what will I do? When everyone is going to play I will have no one to play… !
My mom said, ‘you have only these friends as friends in school? You don’t have any other kids? and this made me think…and I just took my bag and walked out of my house to go to school.
I felt the way to school was longer today than the other days. I was feeling as if every one on the way, every shopkeeper from Gole Market and the people around there knew what happened yesterday night. I was some how looking down and walking towards school.

I reached my class and kept my school bag on the bench. My friends so called who just added cherry on my birthday cake last night were sitting and observing me as what will be my next move.

I am very scared of my mom’s anger and hence to follow her instruction is the only way and hence I went to other friends in my class and started talking to them. I went for my assembly with them. I didn’t look at anywhere else and made my self comfortable with my other friends. These friends were the nerdy ones who are very good in studies – very good in the sense they don’t come below 97%. Some may find that very good but I always felt education is not all about percentage. Probably I used to understand life’s core ethics from my dad’s heavy duty proverbs that we live for today and live it fully as we don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow.

One thing I noticed that I started completing my homework in school during the free time as these kids were like that. When I used to go home, I used to walk home with these kids. Though life was a bit different but I didn’t mind the change. Some how my dad always taught me to adopt the life style of ‘when you are in Rome be like Romans’ !
“Life’s not always fair. Sometimes you can get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow” ~ Terri Guillemets


I didn’t even come to know how time flew away that it was the year end where I had participated in a fancy-dress competition and guess what none of my nerd friends were there in this.

It was awkward for me as I was dressed up as a native from State Kerala – which is in the southern part of India. I had worn the traditional sari and I had to say two sentences – ‘I am a lady from Kerala and I am proud about its culture.’
I had to say this in the native language of Kerala – i.e. Malayalam.

It will be funny to say that no one was with me yet I got first prize and it started raining like cats and dogs.
I was very happy. The day was done for all the students after the fancy dress competition and other cultural activities. My so called friends who spoiled my birthday didn’t participate in anything but I saw them coming behind me.

I was walking in the rain with my umbrella as that was part of my fancy dress, these friends behind me whispering – call her – you go – you talk to her.
I was still walking without letting them know that I know now the tables have turned.

I crossed the road and the school seemed to be going far and the Gole Market came near by, the smell of sweets like balusha, jalebi and ladoos from Karachi Sweet Mart.
Suddenly, the so called boss came in and said we all want to say, sorry to you’ and they gave me a greeting card which I still remember had a blue peacock and inside was – We are sorry, please forgive us. We will be friends forever.
I stopped and looked at all of them and smiled – it was a feeling where I had already forgiven them in my heart. Life is much more than this and I had these realization when I was ten and hence at that time I just smiled at them and said, I would like you to come and tell this in front of my mom so that if she allows me to be friends with you only then I will re-unite with you all.

We all walked together and reached home. We didn’t talk through out as we were walking in the puddle and splashing water. My off-white sari was getting spoiled yet the feeling of getting wet and playing in the rain is something you can only feel no one else!

Today mom had a weekly day off and hence when I knocked the door she opened it and excitingly she asked, how was your fancy dress competition?’ and believe me I was all excited to show her the trophy and certificate that I got. My mom gave me a big hug and that’s when she saw my these friends.
My mom gave a look at me as – what’s all this about now? and she asked them – did my daughter do another mistake this time?

And, I was like mom please, they want to be my friends again! and I showed the card that they gave me.

My mom invited them and we all had the sweet porridge that I love – it was a celebration.

All I can say is my mom was happy that I kept her word and everything turned out to be as she expected. But my question was, what made to happen all this?

The so called boss was way elder to us and it was her mind that created all the differences among us. I maintained my friendship with all nerds and these ones and never showed any difference but my friends came to know what one should believe in and what one shouldn’t.

Kids learn from their mistakes but elders not necessarily!

“I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child can bring” ~ Liz Armbruster